Am I being cheesy or just really honest?

Today is December 30th, 2022.

I have a cold I've been fighting off for 3 weeks, a pimple on my cheek the size of a small mountain, and I finally took part in Casual Friday.

The end of this year will be marked tomorrow by a wedding of two very loved human beings, with some of my closest friends by my side. I don't know if it's the romance of it, or the excitement of dressing up, or the cold medicine I took this morning, but today I feel implored to explore what this year gave to me, and reflect in all of the joy.

I typically try to celebrate years of Caitlyn, rather than global revolutions - it feels more authentic to review my own year rather than 8 billion other peoples'. 26 was tough, 27 was better, 28 seems to be my best yet, at least so far. But 2022 is also unique, in that I felt really hopeful again. And with that, it should be celebrated as more than just another orbit around the sun.

All of that is not to say that in the 2 years prior I felt hopeless, but that this year the hope felt genuine, and not just something I used to make myself feel better. The parties, the countdowns, the weddings, even the nights at home with a movie - most felt really joyous. Nights that ended in 3am were full of Asshole Socials and heartfelt confessions of love. "Let's go for a drink" often turned into 2 or 3, and maybe even splitting a dessert. Vacations planned years in advance became memories of  cheap wine under the Eiffel Tower.

This week I have found myself reading the Instagram poets' responses to the end of the year, and really enjoying them. And I know it seems cheesy, and I know I can be emotional, but I also feel very honest, and I think it's ok to be both. I'm learning that life is much more than the dualities we always force it into.

I so often get too caught up in embarrassment to be cheesy or emotional, but I also realize that I feel so much more alive when I don't. In 2023 I hope to embrace the cheese. More puns, more days alone in a museum, more conversations that end in "I love you, too." One thing that the past few years have shown me is that I need more of all of it.

I write this as something to reflect on later, as often is the case with this "blog." I also write it as a reminder that I am allowed to reflect on joy, as much as I can in sadness. I hope 2023 brings us all a bit more of the former.

Cheers.

Some lists....

Things 2022 brought me:

• An appreciation for the Marvel cinematic universe

• A fiancé

• The loss of our fish

• A job that I am proud of

• 10 extra pounds

• A few new friends

• Acceptance of outgrowing some others

• Grief of a friend that a whole town felt

• So many happy tears

• A lot of sad ones too

• Radical acceptance, sometimes

Things I hope 2023 will bring:

• More good wine, and less wine for wine's sake

• New books, and friends to share them with

• Conversations that end in I love you

• Listening to understand

• A loss of those 10 pounds mentioned above

• More happy tears

• Wedding planning, when we want to, and not because we have to

• Realizing I'm making a memory when I'm in the middle of making it